doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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