It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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