Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
