I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
