I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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