You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
