I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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