just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize