My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
