True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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