Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The air was thick with penises
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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