are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
