He kissed a someone with a penis
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
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