i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
