So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
