My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
