Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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