youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Randomize
