Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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