how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My liver just had a heart attack.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Randomize
