I am in a vortex of obligation.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
