just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
