Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
