Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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