You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
