Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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