It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
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