i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
