this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
