i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
