He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
