I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
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