Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
