I can feel you judging me through the phone.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
