i wish starbucks made bloody marys
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
