Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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