dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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