After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
