I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
