Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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