Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
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