Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
