Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
