i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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