Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
