Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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