how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize