K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
