So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
