How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
