I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
