Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
