I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
He felt like a one man threesome
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Tornado booty call.. dedication
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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