i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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