Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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