imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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