doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
