My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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