Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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