Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.

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(914): View more from New York

My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.

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(630): View more from Illinois

she could've warned me his penis was curved

(708): View more from Illinois

ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.

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(518): View more from New York

They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower

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(646): View more from New York

Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done

(760): View more from California

Victory lap

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(44): View more from United Kingdom

I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.

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