The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
