Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
