sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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