Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
