Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
