I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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