I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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