VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
