Those balls look pretty dangerous.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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