Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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