I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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