I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
