I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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