If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
