The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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