What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
