Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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