TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
the raccoons are back...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
