woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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