someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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