overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
