He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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