He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
