dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize