Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
