You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
