He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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