R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
