the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
