i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
