you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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