Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
