i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
