I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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