i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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