i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
