He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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