Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
