fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
