Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
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