the new term for farting is butt boxing.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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