A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
