No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
