So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize